Well that was depressing

Even though I feel like I am close to my smallest weight throughout this process, my Wii says I've lost 1.1 lb. in the 8 days since I've last weighed, with not quite a week of protocol under my belt.

Now, rationally, I can look at this and say I was up almost 5 lb. over that two month (plus) period when I struggled to stabilize. At some point after the 6 week mark I gave up trying. But I know that last weigh in scared me enough to risk jumping back in now (and spending a lot of money to do it) instead of waiting until August. Being able to feel that it was more difficult to go up the stairs and not fitting into clothes in a way that felt right panicked me a little

So the weekend before my birthday, I didn't weigh. That weekend we partied, eating and drinking indiscriminately, then I loaded. Knowing that I likely released around 10 lb. this week, that would mean between those two things I must have gained 10 lb. Well, maybe not quite because I did that adjustment of 2 lb. on the scale as well by choosing the +/-0 option instead of the +/-2 lb. option.

Anyway, it was depressing, no matter what my logical mind says.

So today, I have appointments all morning, and I have a presentation about the program tonight. I'm all set for that except for set up after the wellness center closes, so I think I'm going to hit the infrared sauna. In fact, I'm going to see where I can fit that in several times per week to maximize this effort. Between that, the B12 MIC and the Mesotherapy, I should be able to do better than ever before. By the end of this week, I should be below where I was last time, and on my way to my goal.

There has been no 'cheating'. Actually ever, in the year-plus-I've been off and on this-depending on how you define cheating. I have 'tweaked' in times of actual hunger, with items that are not strictly protocol, but are necessary to assuage a real need with blood sugar, substituting what I may crave with something less damaging. Like protocol chocolate for real chocolate with sugar, or 8-12 macs when I know there is no way I'll make it through a day without passing out because my work load, waking ours or stress level requires a few more calories.

For dinner, lettuce, chicken, grissini, grapefruit, in approved sized. For lunch, cabbage, chicken, grissini, grapefruit. Water, water, water, water all day. Regular coffee in the a.m., decaf in the p.m., with just stevia. Feeling good and sleeping well (except for last night...what is it about Sundays?). Hungry on occasion, but usually just before meals or at the end of really long days, and even then, not a gnawing hunger. Just annoying.

Later-

It's very weird to be in the position of telling people I'm doing another round and then have to justify it because they insist I shouldn't be doing that.

According to my BMI, I am overweight. Granted, I am much smaller than I was. But I am very short, and while I look and feel good, I have not reached my goal, and the strangeness of that last round made me hesitant to just try to get their the usual way. I don't know that I am close enough for my body to pick up the pace and hook into a pound a week release. It wasn't looking that way.

Anyway, I couldn't believe that I felt sort of defensive...like I had to explain to some stranger why I was trying to get smaller. That has never, ever happened that I remember.