Yesterday I was up .4 lb. and weighed 126.4. I'm currently wearing a size 4 skirt. My husband asked me 'when are you going to stop this?' yesterday when he got home from his business trip.
Well, I'd like to stop right this minute. It's getting harder every day. I'm hungrier, thus relying on gum to help me get between meals. I'd like to blame my extreme fatigue on the f*cking cat that kept me up all night, which would be true, except for the last several nights I've been very tired, very early. Yesterday, I actually started my TOM, so that plays some part, I'm sure, but I really think I'm getting to a point where I think I'm done. Stick a fork in me.
There are a couple of reasons I haven't stopped. One is that I won't be able to weigh again until Monday morning because we have guests staying in the basement where the Wii is and that's my only scale. I need to have a definitive end weight, especially since I didn't have a definitive start weight. My Wii goal ends on Monday, I believe, and it should be about 121. I set it according to a 22.7 BMI if I recall, and that's about 121. Still 5 lb. more than Wii says I should be, but Dave's right...I'm feeling a little on the bony side these days. It feels fine, and I'm good here; I just wouldn't want to be 10 lb. lighter. 5? Maybe. It's not that I think it's that much different then where I am, but it gives me more 'wiggle room' before I'd hit a point where I don't feel comfortable.
Never in a million years would I have thought I'd ever be worrying about being TOO THIN!
I don't want to go too far, though I think my body won't let me, actually. I'm getting some pretty clear signs now, I believe. Or I'm just sick of doing this. I'm not sure. But physically, I think it's real weakness, fatigue, hunger. I want to make damn sure I'm down as far as I can go, and damn sure I lock it in tight. This time I don't think it will be hard to do that as I'm going back to the drawing board as I did with this whole round. I'm not even going to add cream to my coffee for a couple of weeks. I'm going a lot slower with the additions; I'm being a lot more conservative in what I add and when.
I've been arguing with myself in my journal, coming up with justifications for quitting, and then for not. I've given myself a dozen different deadlines, and 'I'll stop when I get to ____' or 'I'll know my body is done when _____' and then I ignore my own line in the sand.
I like being a size 4. I'd like to stay here. I know now I don't want to be a size 2/3, as much as I like the two dresses in my closet that are there. Really, they aren't worth it, I think. 4-6 is lovely and I feel good there. I just want to be solidly there.
I'm just talking to myself again, but I think for others who are doing though this, it's important to know that it's ok to know when to say when. It's important to hash out where we want to be as opposed to where someone/thing says we should be. Sometimes that means talking to yourself, I guess.
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