Day 27

I'm not even sure why I'm continuing at this point, to be honest. It was a zero day. Yesterday was exhausting. It was 16 hours of non-stop talking, and believe it or not, even for me, enough is enough! I fell into a deep sleep the instant my head hit the pillow, and I really would love to still be there!

I went to bed hungry, although I was able to get all my 500 calorie protocol foods in. I woke up hungry to a big fat zero, and was more disappointed than ever to not be under that 'overweight' line into normal range. Maybe I'll just never be normal. :-)

Anyway, I went back to my diary of all past rounds to see if this had happened before, and what I might have done to manage it. There were only about 4 other times in the whole year where I gained a pound or more. Most larger gains were under that, and I would gain like .7 or .9 and then release .5 the next day and equal or more the day after. With the biggest gains, I always had gotten rid of it within two or three days, sometimes the very next day, and only once was there a zero day soon after. This happened more on the second round, which I started too soon on the heels of the first round, and I quit after 17 days and 11 lb. because it was harder than it should have been...like this time. So, I wonder if it's less about the hCG and more about my body just needing that time between rounds...regardless of what my head wanted. I never did anything special to correct with any of the gains. My apple days were always with two or three days of zeros...not gains. And really, I got little out of those for the most part.

If I didn't have that social event coming up, I would quit today. I just don't trust myself to go to this thing and not have wine and munchies if I don't have the deterrent of the hCG...and there is some hope beyond hope I guess that I'll be able to get just 3 or 4 more lb. out of this, as unlikely as that is looking. This just may be where my body wants me to be for a year or so. Maybe the rest will come off all by itself.

On a positive note, I hear birds singing outside and it was light when I got up this am! Spring really will be here soon, even if it was in the negative single digits this morning!

Later-

I had some time to sit and meditate on what I should do with this situation. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I should listen to what I've told several clients this week...sometimes it's your body that decides when you are done. All of my self-talk even here seems to be saying that. My intuition says there is no reason to keep going, and I shouldn't be worried about this social event. I'll do fine no matter where I am in the program. Social events are part of the fabric of life, and there's no reason I can't attend and not eat or drink. There is no guarantee that I won't mess up, but if I do, it will be with consciousness. I did realize however, that a lot of my clients will be at this event, and that may be almost as good as hCG in regard to accountability.

So, yesterday was my last shot. I continue today and tomorrow just as I did yesterday and each day while on protocol before that. From experience, I know that as the hCG leaves the system, sometimes that 3rd day is a bear, but we'll see what happens this time. I really have no clue how it will go...or how stabilization and maintenance will go this time. This round has been so different in so many ways, I don't really know what to expect.