Day 24

I don't know how some people 'cheat' and get away with it. I've read on lists recently, and talked to people, who have eaten totally off protocol, either with foods or wine, and still lost weight. Me, I have crappy day, eat stuff that's been ok before, and gain.

As recorded yesterday, I was feeling punky. Not sick exactly, but tired and like I might have been exposed to something I wanted to nip in the bud. Or, I might have just been whipped from nearly two weeks of PMS and the period from hell. I don't know. I just didn't feel great.

I was hungry too, and craving something like toast or cupcakes or a peanut butter sandwich. It wasn't as much of a desire for a specific food, but more like a texture. I decided macadamia nuts were better than actually eating something really off protocol. It did nothing. I had coffee, which upset my stomach. I had more water; still hungry and getting a bit of a headache.

So I had dinner. Chicken, lettuce, melba and while I was going to skip the fruit to mitigate the macs, I was still hungry, so I had the orange.

My mouth felt much better (that orange was bliss!) but after about an hour, hungry again! More water did nothing, decaf just tasted icky. I decided to just remove myself from the situation. I took a hot bath.

But even in the bath I was distracted and hungry, as in my tummy hurt hungry. I would have just went to bed, but it was only like 7:30 pm. I wasn't watching TV or getting any outside prompts to eat. No one was here making good food with smells that were driving me crazy. I had plenty to do (though I didn't feel much like doing anything) so I wasn't bored. There was nothing particularly yummy in my kitchen calling my name.

I decided I really must be hungry, or it was a period craving, but I refused to cave to the 'want' for something like bread. I decided the only safe options were things that had been ok before, so I had another handful of macs and a couple of quarter sized pieces of coco-delite.

Of course, that's not what my body wanted, but I refused to give in. Instead, I did go to bed by 8:30 pm. I slept like a rock and was loathe to get up this morning, but we didn't get 'Blizzard Doug' that I can tell, so I have to go to work.

And now I'm crabby besides, because while I ultimately probably ate double my 500 calories and should have expected what I got, I'm PISSED that I gained 1.1 lb.!

I was so close to crossing over that line, and now it's probably going to take me the rest of the week to just recoup. I have NEVER in the year I've been doing this 'cheated' in that I've binged or eaten forbidden foods like oils, starches, or sugars or even an extra fruit. Those two things are the only things I've ever allowed, in small amounts, in unusual situations. This time, having NEVER felt such a strong pull in this whole year, I allowed myself one quarter sized extra of the chocolate and an extra handful of nuts...and gained over a lb. overnight. It sucks.

Dave gained a lb. too, but he got to eat a whole meal out at a restaurant. I didn't even get to have anything fun for my gain!

I only have 10 syringes left, so I was sort of thinking when they are gone, I'm done. It's obvious my hCG is working just fine...if it weren't I wouldn't have gained so easily on so few extra calories. I guess I'll see if it takes me that long to get rid of this gain.

And I still feel like crap and wish I could spend the day in bed. But I can't. So I'm off.