Day 37 stabilization

I skipped writing here yesterday. It would just have been depressing, though today I'm a grump too.

Yesterday bumped me up that 1/2 lb. that put me over my last hCG weight. ANOTHER freakin' steak day. Today I'm only down .7 lb. Dave is down 1.8 and didn't even DO a steak day!

During our walk (about 2 miles) I kvetched that I was starting to feel like for the rest of my life, I was going to have to have one fasting day/steak day (or modifications thereof) per week, minimum, just to stay where I need to be. That depresses me, because it's not like I'm eating whatever I want the rest of the week. If I were, it might be manageable.

And I wondered again why it has been so this time when it never has before. And I wonder if it's because the little amount I did release on that screwed up protocol round was largely lost during the first week when I was essentially losing it on a starvation diet w/o the hCG. If that beginning was so messed up that it messed up EVERYTHING. If so, I'm wondering how long before I can do the program again correctly) and if/when I do, will it work easily and the way it's supposed to? Will stabilization be easier if I can get down below a certain point?

I'm thinking if the weight comes back on so easily now, I'd probably gain back 10 lb. during loading and have to lose it all over again (along with the other 10 I want to get rid of) but if it works the way it's supposed to, that shouldn't even take a full 41 day round.

My SIL will be here for a visit in May and will be on protocol. I wonder if I can do it again that soon? It would make her visit easier (for her) if we are both on protocol and eating the same amounts of the same stuff. Technically, I should wait 4 or 5 months, but that's if I reached my goal and stabilized. What if I don't ever reach that plateau? I'd have to struggle like this for months! !@#$%^&*()_+! I'll go insane!

Later-

1 cup Irish oats for breakfast, an apple and 12 macs for lunch at around 1 pm, 2 pieces caraway farmers cheese around 3, and dinner at 5:15...100g chicken, 2 slices swiss, 5 asparagus spears and a sugar-free pudding.

Now, I don't feel I ate a tremendous amount at any point, although I am full now. Yet somehow I've accumulated almost 1800 calories! I know FitDay says I can have 1900, but I know that's crazy. I've probably had several hundred more than I should have, but I'm not sure how. I ate only when I was actually hungry, and only an amount I needed not to be. Even a long walk isn't going to mitigate that damage much.

I just can't do another steak or egg day. If I'm up tomorrow, I'm up. I'm staying there.

I need to go for a walk before I settle in to get some writing and studying in. I don't really want to go alone, but it looks like I might have to.