Exercise

Last time I wrote about maintaining in regard to food, but I've been asked several times since then how much I need to exercise to stay at a 4/6.

Not much, really.

In fact, as with the food, it's probably not so different than what I did when I was fat, but I enjoy it more. Or maybe I did more before, but I hated it more? I'm not sure.

This week I walked 5 miles on the treadmill one day and happened to bike a couple of miles on the same day. Another day I did 1/2 hour of yoga. Yesterday, I walked perhaps a couple of miles around the neighborhood. That's pretty typical. If I want to undo damage from a weekend of excess or something, I might try to make an attempt to do more. But my job and school tend to involve a good amount of sitting. I have to make time for it.

The difference is that now I see results, which is motivating. I do actually enjoy it. The day I walked 5 miles on the treadmill, it was because I was watching a movie on Netflix. When I was fat, I did the same thing, but I had to make deals with myself...like no coffee in the morning until I did at least 2.5 miles. Then I'd do another couple of miles in the afternoon. I may have even walked more later with my sister, or we might have gotten together to lift free-weights. I did this for MONTHS with NO results, despite a healthy organic vegetarian diet of no more than around 1000-1200 calories per day and NO goodies. After about 6 months, I quit putting the effort into it. My life was full of cycles like that.

So anyway, I couldn't have done the entire 5 miles at once. My feet would hurt after about 2 or 3. And I wouldn't break into a light jog, because likely I would be crying at the injustice of working my ass off for no f*ucking reason, because 'they' said I just wasn't working hard ENOUGH and obviously 'they' were the experts. Many of my workout included copious amounts of bad language and tears.

Now I know that for my body to maintain I should eat around 1200-1400 calories, depending on WHAT I eat. What is 'diet' for some is just the way I have to live to stay where I am.

Before I exercised even though I hated every...single...minute of certain things. I enjoyed hiking and yoga...although my feet would hurt after or my belly rolls and thighs would get in the way.

When we got the treadmill we currently have, I was so excited. On some level I really did miss it. What I decided is that I liked exercising...I just didn't like the way it made me feel emotionally (because I was supposed to get smaller and didn't) and physically (because everything was just so much harder than it should be).

Before, I would have deprived myself of the good things in life. Today, I have a glass of red wine and a square of dark chocolate nearly every day with no repercussions. Now, if I have toast on any given day, I'll have to have a 5 mile day. Before, I might have had toast every day. If I was too busy to make something to eat, I might grab a couple of pieces of toast instead of a meal...for all three meals! That's 750 calories or more, all in a fat storing combination of grain and fat/oil. I would gain on that!

The conventional wisdom that says a calorie is a calorie is a lie. It makes us feel like failures. It matters where the calories come from, and there is no one right formula that works for everyone.