Judgement Day

Down .7 lb. over the last two days. I'm still going in the right direction, I'm just not where I hoped I'd be.

I'm sitting in front of the Wii, so I can get some accurate data here and think...

ON 8/9 (when I had to re-boot and lost all previous data on the Wii) I was 130.5 and today I 8/23 am 125.9. That's 19 days and barely 5 lb. gone. That's approximately 1/4 lb. per day. that's not even 2 lb. per week! And the last week has been rather sucky, which is not the way it's supposed to be. I even had to take a Motrin last night because I had a headache, and while I caution people against assuming that hcg has anything to do with random aches and pains that can crop up when you do anything for any length of time, with everything that's happened in the last week, I have to consider there may be some connection.

I told myself that I would only quit today IF I had reached 124 lb, which is not my goal, but was my original goal. I did not reach that goal. It looks like it would likely take me at least a week to reach that. It looks like there is no way I can reach 121 even in the 16 days I have left to obtain my Wii objective. And I'm not sure I have it in me. At this point, it's taking willpower, which it shouldn't. Sure, there are moments that require willpower typically, but the usual hcg protocol has been effortless 99% of the time, with short and infrequent moments of effort. This is not that.

And I have to consider that IF I am only losing what I would on 500 calories per day without hcg, and IF I am feeling hungry and yucky, it may mean that the hcg is not working or my body is not using it correctly. I just mixed it; I know it's fresh. That would mean my body just isn't recognizing it (immunity or refusal to give up more fat). If that's the case, than what I'm losing could be muscle, and that will just screw with my metabolism ultimately...and not be good for my heart.

Since the whole point of doing this is to avoid all that, and because it's usually so easy, I think I may have to conclude that my husband was right: I'm wasn't really a good candidate for this any more. I was too close to a 'normal' weight that my body wants, and it's just not working optimally. It really is for obesity. It's not a quick fix to lose a few lb., which is really all I wanted to do.

So, I think today I start with my '3 days and I'm out' portion of the program. On Thursday, I'm going to start with about 1000 calories and not go for the high calorie options, even though I know I can have the fat. I'd rather eat more foot if I'm not going for 1500 calories. If I can keep it between 1000 and 1500 (and I am aware that 1200 is 'diet' for most people and that about 1900 calories is 'normal' for maintenance...it isn't for me; I gain) I know I can stay in range.

I'll keep posting here throughout to keep myself accountable.

Later--

Menu for the dinner cruise:

Chicken swimming in some creamy sauce
Creamy mashed potatoes
Cesar Salad, premixed
Baby carrots and cauliflower, it looked like steamed with dill
Desert tray

I couldn't see a sheen on the veggies, and there was no butter sauce in the bottom of the pan they were served in, so I'm thinking they were steamed. I ate about 1/2 cup of that, passed on everything else and drank water...tons of it.

I was going to come home and have my apple and cuke if there wasn't anything I could have, and I ate my 100g chicken breast and melba before I left so I wouldn't be starving. I'm thinking with the uncertainty of the veggie prep, I should skip the cuke and/or apple. I may have a cup of decaf or something, then go to bed early as I am really, really tired. The gentle rocking of the boat made me sleepy...on top of the fact that I've just been tired overall for days. So, that's going to be the rest of my night, and that's how I chose to navigate this particular event.

From here on out, it gets easier. (manifesting my reality, don'cha know)